If there were a Fuzzco Charleston Children's Book...

A Grimmsical Whimsical Tale of Harrietical Proportions

One plum evening Harriet was sitting under a waving willow when a luscious loaf of brioche floated down and landed before her crossed legs. 

“What is this?” the forever spy asked aloud. To her surprise, the tree answered her. 

“I am giving you a gift. I have given up one day of my life so you can enjoy a loaf of gluten-filled bread.”

“Wait, are you the Giving Tree?!” asked a bewildered Harriet. A voice responded, but it wasn’t the tree’s. Harriet looked around, and, thanks to her keen observation skills, she noticed an itsy bitsy black spider crawling up the grayed bark of the Giving Willow.

“Graciously receive your gift, and use it before time runs out and the world runs round and life gets away again.”

The spider was nearly out of sight now, and almost out of earshot. “Charlotte wait!!” said Harriet. But it was not to be. 

Harriet desperately wanted to understand what was going on, but if there was one thing she’d learned in her years of living, it was that Charlotte was always right. 

So she sat down and prepared to enjoy her bread. 

“I do wish I had some butter and jam for this. And maybe even a friend to share it with.”

Nothing happened, which shouldn’t have surprised Harriet because as soon as you start expecting magic it unmagic happens. 

So I should say that Harriet, for once, didn’t observe the things that were happening. She ever so gingerly, reverently began to pull off a piece of the brioche, not noticing at all the rustle in the grasses and the sparkle in the sky.

“Didn’t you want some jam and butter with that? And a friend?” said Matilda. 

Harriet jumped to her feet, entirely unprepared to be caught off guard. “I thought the magic was over!”

“The magic is only over when you say it’s over. C’mon. Let’s eat.” And Matilda sat down and patted the spot next to her. 

Now we all know that you can’t leave a trail of bread crumbs without a certain Hansel and Gretel showing up, trying to make their way home. Which is what we’re all trying to do anyway, and so there everybody was, Harriet, Matilda, Hansel, Gretel, Charlotte, the Giving Tree and the whole world besides, looking for home in the fluffiest crumb of a sweet loaf of brioche.

The End

If there were a Friends and Family Children's Book...

For the full interview with the real Roxana Jullapat, go here.

As narrated by the great grandson of Mickey in the Night Kitchen

Tonight I fell into a new kitchen, only it was actually this morning and the kitchen wasn’t really new at all. It was very much used, in fact. 

I didn’t mean to, but I landed in a cup of coffee, and that was not a good idea. Because Roxana the baker came up and said “no swimming on the job, unless you’re a bagel! Get to work!”

And when I said, “sorry it’s 3:22 in the morning and I wasn’t thinking right,” she whipped around like a cat attack and said “BOO!” with such passion that I jumped right over to the croissant station and got to work. 

Wishy washy, wishy washy goes the egg wash on the croissants. Smishy smashy smishy smashy goes the baguette dough Roxana is smushing. It looks like she’s playing.

I say, “hey, no playing, it’s work time.”

And Roxana says, “Wrong! Play is work, work is play, toys are tools, and love is boules! Galore.”

So I start to put a little swing in my style and add some jazz to my egg wash pizzazz, and boy do those croissants glow when they come out of the oven!

But that’s later. Because first I have to find the right flour, because Roxana says flour is everything, because she is an unadorned baker. And that’s what unadorned bakers say, I think. 

All the flours that are everything are already right there in the kitchen, so I don’t have to go out into the dark spooky streets to find it. I stay in the brightly lit cozy kitchen with Roxana and the empty cup of coffee and the baguettes, and I get the flour for the rich roll dough. 

Roly poly richy roll dough, and just like that, more bread in the oven, hoh!. 

My oh my I’m tired in my eyes, and the clock yells out, “you! Go! It’s time!”

Roxana tells me to take my pick, so I grab a bagel and I'm off with it.

The end!